Friday, February 27, 2009

21岁


命运插手得太急。

不够时间思索什么该保留,什么该放手。

卡在这个尴尬年龄,我们所谓的钥匙究竟用来开哪把锁?

俯首凝视自己那粗糙又沾满了尘土的双脚,不禁联想到这段路能走到今天还真漫长。

回头看,赫然一阵惶恐袭击纯粹想觅寻些许感动的玻璃心。

情景就像重要的背囊忽然在路上遗失了一样。

心中激起不甘,恐惧与悲伤的负面情绪。

好似一直都在的,忽然缺席了。

不断盘问自己,那些所谓的“铭记于心”何时变得不算话了?

于是我想起[孟婆汤],那喝下了就什么也都不再记得了的麻醉药。

难怪我现在像全新的一样,像个初生的婴儿,空荡荡的心被置放在闹市中央,等待陌生的成人世界把他们的疯狂伟论塞进我的脑袋瓜里。

庆幸,那熊熊燃烧的青春,还是我的标志。

我依旧可以选择怎样挥霍我仅存的童话意识。

我还能矜多久?


其实也没什么好隐瞒的。
为了圆个谎,再撒个谎,如此没完没了的。
偶尔精神紧绷得像快要休克似的,也还要故作镇静摆姿势,真让自己头疼。

长辈常说[少年不知愁滋味,为赋新词强说愁]。

愁呀愁,也总会有个极限。

近来还算理智,懂得辨别什么该烦什么不该烦。

过滤后剩下的,我再仔细窥探别人又是如何面对。
我该清楚,路上碍事的与刺激成长的,怎么在我身上留下明显的痕迹。

心想,能短暂失忆多好。

好比成日郁郁寡欢,为快乐强找理由来得爽快。

我还能矜多久。

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

回来了,有何不同?


放空了好长一段日子,尽量不刻意地去反复深思一切钻了甚久的疑问。

我使劲地维持那颗平常心,非要逼出一点热忱,对课业或社交圈子都好。

倘若真要问出一个明白,我想就算全世界真的如我所愿放大耳朵聆听也好,我也将选择一个最贴切的[官方回应],有所保留的答案。

这个世界的模样,已不再是我一个人怎么想怎么看就能轻易左右的。

听过这样的小故事:

有个大人带着小孩在闹市中央看装饰得梦幻的圣诞树。

[哇...孩子,你看见了吗?多美丽璀璨的灯饰呀!]

孩子哭个不停。

[我什么都看不到!我只看见一支粗大的枝干,和好多好多双脚在我身边走过!]

我才了解,有些美丽,不长大些是没机会亲眼目睹的。

所以我要快点长大。
一路指望[成长]这码事,让自己可以更勇敢,更快乐,更聪明。

原来,勇敢快乐聪明从来都不是免费的。

当经已远远超离期望中的自己时,我发觉自己经已开始步入了这个难熬的阶段。

显然我还没适应。
但至少我找到了一些目标及归属感。给了我少少的解脱,让我可以在这不知可以走到多远的路,可以不断前进,并有个歇息的机会。

最近我的[分享引擎]似乎启动了。我好想说话。说真心话。聊自己。聊你们。

感谢大家。

Thursday, January 8, 2009

人生


今天我和父亲有了这样的一段谈话。

[人到了我这个年纪,所有的乐趣将渐行渐远,随之而来的梦想亦将消逝。剩下的,就只有责任。]

[我不认同。]

[在你这个年龄,什么都有可能。因为你们不许需为柴米油盐而忧虑。等你长大一些,光扛下生活的压力与负担,都会让你喘不过气。]

[柴米油盐,有钱就行了。你是说,人到了某个阶段,“什么事都要和他人谈现实论利益”其实早就是个不灭的定律?“人类本来就仅是如此,没啥特别”是我们走了大半生之后,唯一仅存的相信?]

[小时候,大家都如此容易满足。在屋前大树下追逐,玩玻璃弹珠的日子,我到现在这个年龄都还记忆犹新呢。现在哪有时间想这些?这就是成长的代价。]

[到底我们何时开始,必须把生命最深层的意义埋葬在回忆里头,非得硬着头皮接受扭曲的社会规范勉强生存?]

[那你这就错了。这社会无论扭不扭曲都由不得我们去改变。最重要的是如何适应生活,改善生活,接纳并完成社会赋予你的使命,你才会有满足感。]

[我说呀,你的满足感要经过那么多层的“过滤”才“说得过去”,那会否等你的成就终于有“资格”让别人信服的时候,你已失去机会享受成果了呢?]

[这点你倒说得没错。]

[我觉得,每个阶段的人生都有伴随而来的精彩。若退休后,没了事业,孩子又无法日日陪伴左右,那人生岂不就没意思了吗?我想难怪有那么多智慧却“不好服侍”的老人家。想想他们,没有了任何的所谓“成就感”与“价值感”,所剩的尊严又被逐渐衰老的身躯给渐渐剥落,后半生,就只能不断承受“失落”与“完结”。]

[所以我早就规划好了我退休后的生活,我要一一完成那些未完成的梦想。]

[所以我说,生活的素质不该用你那种方式去诠释。“踏实”可以有另种说法。]

[那我现在随便花钱,想买什么就买什么,就算有生活素质了?]

[我说的生活素质,建立在每一天的每一个当下。人生最大的愉悦,是自我价值的实现。我们作为人类最大的幸运,就是可以感知,思考,尔后做决定。这三样东西,每个人生历练不同的人都会有不同的“游戏规则”要把持,要遵守。而现在的我,只是个可以放心鹄望未来,但却无法实在的为社会贡献些什么的学生。每一个当下,我都要彻底的感知大学生活与自己。每一个当下,都要尽可能作出我能力范围应允的思考。每一个当下,都要做担当得起的,让自己快乐的决定。我说的有错吗?]

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Big Fish 2003

本想写长长一篇撼动人心的观后感,后来觉得每部电影,每个人都会有不一样的震撼。
自己的感受却又五味参杂地在心中来回滚动。
我一时写不出那几乎让人落泪的温暖撼动。
[For one night,one night in your entire life, the universe did not revolve around Edward Bloom.]

[The truth is, I didn't see anything of myself in my father. And I don't think he saw anything of himself in me. We were like strangers who knew each other very well.]


[Having a kid changes everything. There's the diapers and the burpingand the midnight feeding. Then you spend years tryingto corrupt and mislead this child, fill its head with nonsense, and still it turns out perfectly fine.]

["Kept in a small bowl,the goldfish will remain small. With more space, the fish will grow double, triple,or quadruple its size."]

[It occurred to me then that perhaps the reason for my growth, was that I was intended for larger things.]

[Did you ever think that maybe you're not too big, but maybe this town is just too small?]

[You think this town is too small for you? Well, it's too small for a man of my ambition.]

[The more difficult something is,the more rewarding it is in the end.]
[You must've taken a shortcut. Life will do that to you. And truthfully, the long way is easier. But it's longer, much longer.]

[This town is more than any man could ask for. And if I were to end up here, I would consider myself lucky. But the truth is, I'm just not ready to end up anywhere.]

[It's rude to talk about religion. You never know who you're gonna offend.]

[Like one night, I had a dream, where this crow came and said: "Your aunt is gonna die." I was so scared,I woke up my parents, but they said it was just a dream and to get back to bed. But the next morning,my Aunt Stacy was dead. Terrible for her, but think about me,young boy with that kind of power. Wasn't three weeks later when the crow came back to me in a dream, and said, "Your daddy's gonna die." I didn't know what to do. I finally told my father, but he said:"Oh, not to worry."But I could see he was rattled. The next morning, he wasn't himself. Kept looking around, waiting for something to drop on his head. Because the crow didn't say how itwas gonna happen, just those words:"Your daddy's gonna die." Well, he left home early and was gone a long time. When he finally came back,he looked terrible, like he was waiting for the ax to fall all day. He said to my mother: "I've just had the worst day of my life." "You think you've had a bad day?"she said. "This morning, the milkman dropped dead on the porch." Because, see, my mother was banging the milkman.]
[Can I take your picture?- Oh, you don't need a picture. Just look up the word "handsome"in the dictionary.]
[They say when you meet the love of your life, time stops. What they don't tell you is that once time starts again, it moves extra fast to catch up.]

[You were a big fish in a small pond,but this here is the ocean, and you're drowning.]
[You may not have much,but what you got, you got a lot of]
[I've been nothing but myself since the day I was born. And if you can't see that,it's your failing, not mine!]

[Were you having an affair? -Wow. Wow, you just said it. I was expecting to dance around this for another half-hour.]

[And as we get close to the river, we see that everybody is already there. And I mean. everyone. The strange thing is, there's not a sad face to be found. Everyone is just so glad to see you and send you off right. You become what you always were, a very big fish. And that's how it happens.]


[Have you ever heard a joke so many times you've forgotten why it's funny? And then you hear it again and suddenly it's new. You remember why you loved it in the first place.]

[A man tells his stories so many times that he becomes the stories. They live on after him. And in that way,he becomes immortal.]

Sunday, January 4, 2009

2009欢迎你!


早已瘫痪了写日记的习惯,有时写部落格免不了会自问“到底写给谁看”。

从圣诞节至今夜,自觉想法观念及生活方式上有了显著的改变。

心里常有些趣味的自我对话,不晓得是在钻牛角尖,还是在延续着漫长的思考。

那丝恬柔的思绪,又重返心中,准备歌颂我华丽的冒险。

新的一年奢望些什么?

我放肆呼唤绝佳的幸运降临,容我悠然飘荡一场。

新的一年期望些什么?

[一切安好。]

以往愿求一系列复杂却富满可看性的目标及展望,今年21岁想给自己另种痛快。

回想2008年,依计划进行的美事屈指可数。

多属美丽的意外,是在追梦的旅途中邂逅的幸运。

与其大胆假设接踵而来的际遇,不如放心守候如诗如画的生活美好憧憬登门造访。












Wednesday, December 24, 2008

我的耶诞傻念头。



耶诞只属于孩童及少年吗?

那时候精力旺盛,无牵无挂地,只有份追逐快乐的勇气与坚持。虽然现今不至于“青春已逝”,但心境真的不一样了。我想,今年二十岁的耶诞,将会为我留下什么样的记忆呢?

奥妙的耶诞魔力,总为每个平凡的事物添加了层层的含义。

而每个把心掏出来,珍爱那份相信的人们,都会有意想不到的收获。

我一直都这么认为:

隽永的美丽,婵媛了所有真挚的情谊。
心与心相互辉映,温情即便源远流长。

但是,现在我无法再依循进行了多年的庆祝方式呼喊快乐。
我想我需要一个更富新意,更浪漫有趣的玩法!

不需要疯狂地向街边的路人呼喊“圣诞快乐”,不需要在拥挤的人群中忘我的起舞。

今年,我想把小小的圣诞惊喜,送给一个合眼缘的陌生人。

希望收到这些礼物的人,能够继续相信这一切的美丽。


耶诞就是那么的奇妙,你不必努力哀求,你也会得到你想要的东西。

只要把心愿表达出来,自然会出现有心人为你完成。

雪橇飘越星空的清脆叮铃声,只有相信的人才懂得聆听。